Monday, March 28, 2011

fool's heaven



i just sat on my desk front of the computer which is placed a little far from the window,spring breeze is coming in the room and moving the curtains slightly,
its touch is delivering undefinable joy to my soul,
when ever i feel this touch i think it will be the very first thing which i will be missing so much in my grave.
tomorrow or after hundred years i will have to go their , it is a fact which cannot be rejected though, so if sometime glimpse come in my mind its not a big deal,
the most important thing in life is happiness and peace that each of us after is, most of us bear so much pain to reach this state of mind,i dont know that if i am lucky or a fool to have this feeling always with me even in worse times too, i be sad and feel low for while but it could never keep me disappointed for much long,

most of people think that intelligent person needs a solid reason to be happy,it means people who feel depressed and desperate all the time and find no joy in life are very intelligent, but what about all the gifts they already have.

when i listen this i feel really grateful to my creator who did not make me as intelligent,i am happy to stay fool and living the moment with all its depth and joy,especially when i run alone in the house during the day and do my house work i feel my self most happy person on earth that god has make me healthy and blessed with all necessary parts of the body so i can do whatever i want to do to make my home and family comfortable,

my feet can lead me to any destination i want,my hands can bring huge change in scenes,my eyes can see the whole beautiful amazing world and my brain can come with all solutions for each problem,

i feel this, because i saw people with their different disabilities and felt their deep desire for just getting up once and walk by own, or can pick up something in hands,
people who came in this wonderful world but could never see the beauty of it, or could never hear the sweet songs of birds and vices of waves,

scientist says that a normal human's definition is that his each new day is better then yesterday but IS betterment all about bringing more and more material in life or feeling the blessing we have already,one can buy an expensive bed but it is important if he can sleep well on it,

no one can buy a peaceful sleep which is a precious gift of creator,and to sleep peacefully bed is not must if my heart realized the blessing and relation to the creator i can enjoy a peaceful sleep even on floor.
realizing that we have countless blessing without any effort is a base of true peaceful life ,it makes the thoughts and attitude healthy and positive, and once we have it we get rid of every kind of depression and can focus on healthy living along the graceful effort for better.

Friday, March 25, 2011

it is so funny



i been attending many marriage ceremonies recently.i dont know what kind of skills are needed to enjoy such parties.it does not means that i dont have sense of enjoyment but now a days it seems quite hard to have fun in such gatherings .

it not very long ago when i used to have great fun in such events. about 20 years back when i was in my village, i went in marriage ceremonies so many times.

for me the main attraction of these events was simplicity of the people.smiling innocent
faces and peaceful eyes .that time their only aim seemed to just get together, having fun and yes giving their best wishes to new couple.meanwhile people seemed friendly and caring with each other.those days i observed hardly few who felt proud or busy in show off instead of enjoying the atmosphere.

if i go further back in my childhood these ceremonies were even more simple ,but yet beautiful
people used to sit on large cloth laying on ground called dree in Urdu.girls sang sweet songs on the beat of drum beaten by them.

people seemed very warm to each other those days.its not that people did not has care for their looks those days but it was only a little part of event then.

now when i go to such ceremonies, people sit around huge round tables,they dressed well and specially women wear lots of makeup and jewelery, but every one seems almost still with blank face and searching eyes as asking hey every one did you see me or my stuff along .
one thing makes me panic is cold behavior and strange attitude of people for each other.they even sit on same table but dont talk to each other even they see each other by the corner of their eyes and if some one just look at them same time they avoid and turn the neck.

as a writer i find each face a different story,i always chose the seat from where i can see the more of them ,some time someone start talking but its all about stuff i am not interesting makeup and blah blah blah.

since some time i start wearing lipstick,which makes my presence in event reasonable.when i see every one chose to stay stranger to each other makes me uncomfortable ,why cannot they just enjoy the moment make new friends or stop wasting time just in showing off.for this some time i feel pity on them and some time i try to hide my laughter on their poor way of thinking.

i feel people have become really funny,they dont know what are they loosing for nothing.having lots of material is not a joy,just portraying yourself is not the way of healthy attitude.
main thing is getting along sharing hearts and spreading smiles .this is what called LIFE .soul of life though.

just be yourself dont keep checking on others that they see you or not, but keep friendly smile on and be friendly to all. this is real beauty it will make your face most pretty face on earth which need no further help to glitter.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

a sitting on the hands of clock



sitting on the hands of clock,moving in the circle,


am repeating my journey ,in the same miles ,


sand is slipping fast from the jar ,


breathings and moments busy ,in the war,


spring out of window,does not come in the room ,


who will pull away ,webs of groom,


writing my sorrows ,with feet by the sea ,


waves will keep it in their heart,for me ,

love changes its shapes and meanings by the time,

season is delivering new dresses to the garden,

huge shining stars turned in the dots,



does it matter, doing nothing or a lot,


you dont have to be ashamed or
proud ,


hold your mirror tigh,t and dont loose it in the crowed.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

happy fairy 's tale



i used to see her through my window and always got confuse to see her peaceful smile which rarely seemed apart from her face,

i am about to join in my teens. my parents got me life for which one can ever desire.
i have my own car.a driver takes me where ever i want to go, in my farms i take ride of my beautiful black horse.

i am young but learnt from my parents that people can be superior by having high status in society which brings heavy bank balance and luxurious style of living to them.
so when i see the people with low standard i find them funny creatures celling around.to me poor people are like tiny useless things with no reason of existence and no right of being happy.

when we moved in this new huge beautiful house i was very happy to have big pool in backyard .my room was on second floor ,from where i could see the amazing view of flow of vehicle on turning bridge at one side and on the other side high buildings of city were standing.

every thing was perfect until i saw her playing on ground with some old broken toys,in first sight i smiled with pride of having lots of more then her and gave her a look which had hate and insult both.

she looked quite younger then me in age, but what i found most disturbing was her peaceful smile on her face ,her eyes were not much big are pretty but had a strange depth, like a lake lies away from the dirt and noise of cities ,has smoothly singing silence inside which reveals the true meaning of life.

it made me to look in mirror and smile again, but it was not as attractive as her.

i waited for the next few days and noticed that no next day is making any less in her smile.she was busy playing with her shitty toys and same smile along.

i could not bear it as i got an idea that if i can apart her from toys,then maybe i can make her upset.i gave some money to my butler's son who went , grabbed her all toys and threw them in the dustbin.
i was watching it from my window to see her tears i wore my glasses ,but what gave me a shock was her cool smiling look which she gave to the boy was taking her toys away.looked around as she got up from a sleep and had little walk towards thing people thrown on ground ,
she gathered some cans ,packets and straws and start playing again with them,having same strange smile along.



Sunday, March 13, 2011

Friends and Party



it is almost 5 pm of the evening.and i am thinking about the birthday party which i have to attend at 8 pm tonight.when i got call form my friend's niece yesterday she seemed so excited ,she told me that she has passed her medical exams with very impressive marks and she is throwing a party to celebrate it too as its birthday is also at the same day.

i met her mother almost three years ago in a religious gathering called meelaad ,she belongs to a quite rich family which also has a political background.that was our first meeting and she got so friendly and invited me to visit her some time,i did not expect that she will remember this meeting any longer but was quite surprise when she called me again just to remind me. i am the person who never feels comfortable meeting with people with huge difference in financial status.

but my all worries were gone when i went her home she was very humble and sweet and there was no pride or show off thing.after that she often invited me in her parties and always gave especial attention.

now turning to the point for which i am writing this post.after our first meeting next time she invited me to attend her party for friends only.i put on just my normal dress and like always with no jewelry or makeup,but when i got there i was shocked to see that it was a grand party and all females were glittering with complete party dressing.it made me little nerves for a while but then i became normal.that day i noted that my low dressing did not changed her behavior at all.she was introducing me to all with perfect confidence.

it made us very good friends and i start thinking that people with much money also have a heart.i dont go out much,just monthly visit to in laws or weekly outing with family.so like normal women i dont take especial interest in clothing and jewelry.i dont know why but these things seems unnecessary to me. for attending such parties i have some nice dresses which seems enough for it.


i often remember one of my class fellow who was just made about parties and she used to borrow wearing stuff from her friends .her cousin was my good friend we are still in contact. she told me many times that parents her cousin are very worried about her behavior as she is earning a bad reputation for her such habits even they give her enough pocket money for whole month but she finish it before a week.

i heard from my friend that the girl is married now and trying to control her nature as she is a wife and a mom too.i hope she has understood that happiness cannot be borrowed ,it is just a feeling comes with being yourself .

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

hi i am woman




i am grateful to my creator who made me woman because i think i belong to the unique part of the gender .though in today's modern world women have learnt the methods of survival,but it is still long way to go to feel safe existence here.

it is proven that being woman is not easy job,especially when you live in under developing country.some time i think in the picture of the world i find woman incomparable artistic part of it. a part which relates the all other parts together and gives meaning for existence to each thing.

may be ,making woman physically weaker then man was for giving meaning to her presence according to her creative personalty and smooth nature.

but it became a reason for consistently being hurt by opposite gender.it is painful fact of the world and there are so many voices and efforts to make it stop but lets be realistic that its not possible,because in spite of all civilization and world acts according Darwin 's law where each who has power eat or crush the weaker.
even woman release their anger on their children, although we know that no one can love a child then his own mother.

i feel sorry for women in rural areas ,who come in world with the will of god but live here by the rules of men of the house.they dont feel life, they just breath , obey and spend all wonderful seasons of the life in the prison created by men.i just think in their last breath is their any pleasant moment come in their memory when they felt free as individual.

being a woman i also gave up my many dream for going out and having an independent life,yes you can call me coward ,but struggle of out going women puts so many complications in here and i am not enough brave or smart to handle them.but i still have desire that i can go out when ever my mood is ,so i can sit where ever i want and have a look of surroundings or sceneries ,write and paint or chat with friends.i want to do this just like men do it like they own the world so o i ,before leaving this beautiful world i want to have a look of it without having any cover on my eyes.
let me share the secret that in my friends,relatives and ex coworkers i was most bore person in the whole world.from my teens i used to beat boys who seemed bit over to me,so according to my all boy cousins i was not even girl.this attitude of them was pleasure for me.when i grew up i was surprised that girls gave boys so much importance and try to interact.i broke up with my very good friend who was seriously in love with a boy and often went to meet him after school.
latter we became friends when i decided to take it her personal matter.

i am not enemy of men but it is true that i consider man woman equal ,attraction towards each other is a normal thing but when they are front of each other attention should not be for external looks but for nice character or good act by them.

but in-spite of all problems i am proud of my self that i feel the importance of my existence and enjoy it ,try to do all my duties with all my dignity and raising a healthy brains in my home. it is very hard to find time for blogging and some time it fears me that what if i wrote rubbish or much heavy to digest, but thank god that it is going smooth yet.so friend bear me with all my weaknesses and remember me in your prayers.thanks for reading and god bless you all.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Suicide



hello dear friends hope and pray that all is well in your amazing worlds.

i consider life as fast running train and each moment a passing station ,which i hardly look and it passes away extremely fast ,i see it getting away from me but still feel happy that at least one look of it.
in my past, moments came in my life when death
felt better then life,but as time passed, i found myself stronger person then before.i saw that miseries made me more awaken mind and confident as an individual.i discovered that there is some one who know and love us more then us he take care of us when even we try to get lost in timely attractions of life, and think of ourselves wisest of all.
latter it was proven that whatever i have in my life was best for me. today life seems a blessing which felt just a punishment that time and i thought and tried to get rid of it.
nowadays when i hear news about people who omitted suicide or tried for it.it reminds me stories of people who got lost somewhere without food and shelter for many days and faced life harder then death but they still survived with the great deep love for this blessing called life.i think what makes them survive in such difficult situations .
i think it is self confidence and strong faith in god which washes away all doubts about if they can do it or they cannot do it,but there is only one option they left with, that they will do it.in such situation they compare themselves only with them,such people are free of any kind of complex and it makes them win always.

people who lives in populated areas and find death easy then life prove that they think of them a tiny insect and problem a mountain so fear of being crushed makes them erase their existence.it is not misery which makes them loose life but i think it is people around them with whom they compare themselves and find helpless or hopeless ,actually they want others to feel their pain or to do some thing for them instead of their own.
i can write a book on hard times of my life,but i dont want to remember things which hurt me,but i am happy that i did not sallow my crushed bangles twenty years ago with a glass of water and decided to face the life with all my courage.it is true that god help those who help themselves.
so whenever such thoughts comes in some one's mind just look in the mirror ,get in to your brain through your eyes and tell him that you are the best on this whole earth and nothing is going to stop you walking through beautiful journey of life and having all colors of it.
god bless you all friends



Thursday, March 3, 2011

just sharing



I see different birds coming in my garden every day.being a villager i used to miss badly in my previous small house for sixteen years.that was a time when then i felt the great blessing of my imagination power which helped me lot to survive in such atmosphere where i was
surrounded only with huge wall instead of hills ,fields and stream.but although little effect of this huge sudden change was obvious on me.

since we moved here in our new big house, we all feel quite positive changes in our mind and soul. here we never get bore ,me and my husband have our evening tea beside our small garden and talk over different topics ,some time we talk about our unnecessary fights in that house and laugh that how we were becoming such rude due to living in very short space.

and now we both have our evening tea beside garden .sometime we play badminton and have quite fun together. my elder son also play and teach his younger brother too. we bought a new three wheel bicycle for my youngest one , he seems really happy to have it
and rides it all the time in front yard when gets back from school.

i really want to share pictures with my friends but i don't have a nice camera to do it.even i can buy it but being a mother of two school going and one university going kid, it sets some higher priorities. So it will take some time but i am sure not much long.

so when i see birds and butterflies in my garden i feel more close to god and it delivers true peace to my soul.i see sparrows and crows with different habits and voices .sparrows are soft and polite and at the defensive point but crows are loud, aggressive and offensive .
they often try to hurt other birds weaker then them and have all food alone . i tried hard that my favorite sparrows can have a part of it but not succeeded yet.

i wish that sparrow must have some cruel qualities like crows so they can fight for their rights and can be able to have their part.

thanks for reading and god bless you all.