Friday, July 29, 2011

old home part 2



he felt that night had all secrets of his heart and he thought that storm was the sign of those memories which surrounded his soul like angry wave of wind,which was blowing him like a string high and high,

his pillow received tears meanwhile which had unbearable weight of his pain,tear which had deep sorrow and a loudest call for his dear kate,

for the first time in life he thought his life is not useful to anyone,before that night he never felt such disappointment and loneliness, he could not find the reason,may be he lost his hope that one day he will be able to rise and move again,
one day he will be a normal human being like before,and will enjoy the remained days with his grand children in his sweet home ,where he will inhale his kate more easily,
but years passed and nothing happened positive for him,his own kids left him alone gave him proof that he is nothing but a old broken peace meat which only meant to keep in store,and good for nothing,

tonight he was ready to give up he closed his eyes and remembered the most lovely face of his dear kate and try to sleep deep as deep that when the son sees behind the yard trees will find him even more still,he pressed his eyes much to die and released his breath like someone pushes unwanted thing out forcefully, his heart seemed under heavy weight,like an elephant sat on it,and he found hard to breath,

out of the window storm was gone,empty clouds were moving away after giving the all of their water to earth,the slight light of morning start mixing in the deep thick darkness of horrible night,the night which dragged him to death was gone,

but he was at the gate of death knocking frequently as he want to enter in the world where his senses will not be able to tell him about his uselessness and loneliness,

death almost came to swallow him,
at same moment he heard a sweetest voice of his kate who was calling him,hey john come here dear,see i am here,hey john,come on dear,he was hearing the voice of her life but could not respond against his will for the weakness created by his defeated soul,

then he felt lips of kate against his dried lips,it was not reaching to him effectively earlier,but when her kiss went long he slight;y start coming back towards the realization,

after some moments ,he tried to open his eyes with conscious hard effort,he found a very little black bird sitting on his beard and its peak was in his mouth which usually remained open during his sleep,

now he was in his senses but still moveless,he had no idea that what was that little bird trying to find in his mouth,but one thing he understood that bird thought him dead my be,

out of the window son rose smoothly and everything took the bath of golden rays and became so fresh and beautiful like never before,bird sitting on his beard had put its peak in his mouth so many time and after every break it just stand quietly and looked in the eyes of john,like trying to find any particular expression,

every time bird did it john received a slight delivery of lifeness inside,he seemed that the soul of kate moved inside the bird and trying to pulling him back to life,this thought gave a relief and strength, he tried and succeed to join his lips when bird put in its peak this time,his effort had less energy to fear the bird first but after some trails he almost hold its peak then bird just jumped and sat on his chest,
outside whether became so romantic,john saw the glory and smell of the fragrance of breeze,a little newness was arising in his personality,the blue shine of his eyes got little more deep,like after storm sky became more clean ,fresh and more blue, john thought these changes were because of the kiss of his love who came to him in the shape of little bird,

bird realized the movement of his chest as john was breathing like a healthy man now,bird flew round over the broken stuff for while and then sat on the hanger which was placed near the window and close to the bed too,john saw him with desire of being close to him,he decided that next time when it will come on him,he will remain still and will enjoy his touch for long,but it did not come again,

then his maid came and bird flew out,maid said hi, to him,he mentioned that john is looking fine today,john responded his greetings with slight move of his head,which surprised maid as john stopped responding since long so he also stopped greeting him for quite time,

maid fed and cleaned him like everyday,and left,john wanted to leave early too as he wanted to see bird soon again,

wait for this little creature was composing a unexplainable strength and and energy which caused desire for life in him,since long time he never felt this excitement,it was purely a wish to be awake and watching it from close,

slowly his frozen senses start awaking,his silent calls for bird can be felt through uncomfortableness of his body which start looking alive and desired to move,his eyes expended his eyes to look for bird,and then he saw it coming inside with tweeting in its sweetest voice ever,

bird sat on the hat hanger for moment,and looked around like it was observing something,it took some flights inside the room,and again sat on the hanger,old john was happy,he got a point to concentrate and topic to take interest,


the main thing was pleasing him the idea of being close to a living being which pulled back the slipping robe of his breath,and he was considering it a soul of his loving wife,

almost half day passed quickly and easily while watching the little black bird flying and sitting on different objects,but he still had hope that bird will come on him soon,

after noon john was taking a nap,when he realized the same tiny peak in his mouth again,he thought himself a normal healthy young man for moment,after while he joined his lips to hold peak,but it was very thin and small,he opened his eyes and saw the bird,but this time it did not looked afraid much,

it took its peak out slowly and moved towards its chest,john stayed still and breath quietly,as he did not want it to flew away,bird start moving on all of his body,like he was examining it by using its peak,john felt thrilled like a child but he was enjoying it so much,

after long run over john,bird came to his beard and hold hair of it in peak,it start pulling it,john felt little pain after constant effort of bird but stayed still,finally bird succeed and pulled few hair of john's beard,it flew and sat on the hanger,john 's interest raised even high ,his eyes went more wide to see what the bird do next,

and he saw after moment that bird tied those hair with one side of hanger like a robe,and checked its hold well by pulling it few time,john was little surprised that what was that mean,his body was returning to the senses because of the touch,and strange movements of the bird,

bird repeated its moves for many times and before evening it plucked away many hair of john's beard,tied them same way with hanger and flew away before sunset,john watched all of it gladly and one thing which gave him a very sweet reason for living for further,was the aim to see the bird tomorrow again making its nest with the hair of his beard,

his beard, he thought, how useless it was until yesterday, but now a little creature need it to have its family,his all negative thoughts vanished away and he became a optimist person again,bird completed its nest in the same room with hair of john,and after that he laid eggs in it,

john told the maid to visit him quietly and avoid any kind of noise,maid was very surprised the improvement in john,as he started to move his hands slightly,he could not speak properly but he started effort to speak,which was the proof that he was taking interest in being healthy again,

the day when john heard the new tiny voices of the new born babies of the bird was the happiest day of his life,he felt that it was his own family,he wanted to see it himself but he could not,he told himself to do it and forced his body to move,the power of his desire made him as moved that he put his hands against bed and pushed to rise up,

it was fight against himself and after so many efforts finally he succeeded in sitting by himself,in evening his maid found him sitting against the back of his bed,he shout surprisingly and wanted to ran in house to bring his son but john stopped him in signs and told him to put john on chair next to the window where the hanger was so close,

maid did as john told,and while going towards the window he saw in the nest where three little baby birds were tweeting,while the bird itself was out to bring food for them,john sat on the chair,and found himself a new man who just had a family, He started looking out of the window with the new perspective of life.





Sunday, July 17, 2011

old home



the night was very cold and stormy, air was fighting with the trees of yard with all its hate and power,sky was covered with dark black sheet,moment after moment when clouds were booming ,sharp spark of Lightning throw the strange silver over the view for very quick while but its gone as fast as it comes down,

he was laying on his old uncomfortable bed which his late wife put here years ago when they bought new one for our bedroom,its foam was broken and springs were covered with extra pieces of clothes and plastic sheet,

the old blanket lost its color time ago,but if in a day light one focus, may can know that it was grey at once,its rough touch was unpleasant and failed to reach him warmth, his weak body was as weak that cannot give even reaction to cold by shaking


but if there was one to sit close and hold his hand could easily feel the starve and shake inside his body,his wrinkled face was seem to a complicated path of life where horse of time ran so cruelly and ruined his world,

in first look his eyes seem half opened,his eyes were like a deep well which 's whole water was taken out by strangers,but one could see by concentrating in still a dim blue shin proof of his undefeated devotion for life,

his head was laying against pillow little high and and on every visit of lightning his face seems like a abstract piece of art like his disciplined room,where every thing become a part of his move less life,

he was not as old only 83,but about four years back,when he woke up one morning his boy refused to obey his will,so after very next moment his life became like a puppet who moves according to other's will,

for months he could not believe that crucial fact that his feet will never touch the floor now,his same feet which drove him towards his each desired destination always,same feet who made him dance and jump in different situations of life,

after this incident,his only son kept him in the same house where he spent best thirty years of life with his beautiful wife, and held countless gatherings of friends,where every wall and room was witness of their wonderful relationships,their sorrows and joys,he could listened still laughter of his wife and him's,

but after few months his daughter in law became more concern about the cleanliness and health of the house livings,so at her insistence his son shift him in the room which wad made as storeroom earlier but seemed not enough later for the useless stuff,they arranged it for him if it called an arrangement,by the time his daughter in law many of all thing put back in his room which they took out before,


now since four years he was among the other useless stuff of the house,where a maid visit him few times a day to feed him or to clean his dirt,male nurse found the room full of unbearable stink,though he had put a pot closer the bed to spit but often it fell on the pillow and little lost in his beard,

his son visit him as less like he has forgotten that his father still exist in the old store room among the broken things,he did not see his daughter in law since more then a year,he had imagination that his grand children may be go to the high school now,

he was sad alone and strawing for the company of his loving wife and children,although most of the time he used to think about his loved ones and moments which he spent with him,that gives him relief to his mind who was tired of being alone,it was quite harder then death to him to just being apart from beautiful moving life as suddenly and left alone forever as he was worth nothing,like his existence was meaning less to everyone,

but tonight the train of all past years of his life running front of his dimmed eyes so smoothly,he remembers the day when he was young and his parents was so kind and loving,his father was a simple civil servant, his earnings were enough only to basic necessities,they lived in a house given by government, still each desire was fulfilled before he ask for it,life was full of comfort and like will always be the same way,his school which was not his favorite place then because kids used to bully him for his fat figure,but he never stopped eating his favorite sweets,

later in college,his desire for girlfriend made him weight conscious,he remembers the day when he met his girlfriend first time,it was a beautiful rainy day,he saw her in light blue dress with hat on her head,wind blow her umbrella away and she was upset and wet,although he himself was on cycle ,he stopped and grabbed her umbrella to her,she seemed little shy,she thanked him and accepted his offer to drop her home,the lovely memories spread a life full joy in his wrinkles for while,

but when he was remembering the faces of her parents saw the young man on cycle with their daughter could not hide the disliking for him,he returned with broken heart,as he knew that the girl he liked first time in life and want to merry her could not be him's,

but coming days were the most beautiful part of his life when when he took kate on first date and purposed her,and his joy had no boundaries when she said yes,a deep sense of life ran through his body,while he was thinking of his weeding day,he thought himself luckiest man on earth as he knew that kate would be a most loving wife and responsible mother of his children,

they found themselves happiest couple of world,after his father's death he joined the same job position,after few years his mother died too,he loved both his parent,and to heal his wounds his wife was always there for him,at one period of time he lost his job as government departed his hundreds of servants suddenly and finished positions,he was disappointed and sad while his wife backup him with her love and care,

she reminded him that he is the man of honor and courage and hardships could not make him loose,so he composed himself and arranged little money by selling the jewelry of his wife,he opened a little cold corner,which later spread in huge business,meanwhile god blessed them with a wonderful son,whom lovely face and innocent smile made their life joyful and complete,

he adopted fatherhood from his parents and loved his son more then everything else,he walked for hours joyfully having his son on shoulders and never felt tired,while remembering the first day of his school he still felt the happiness as he was that day,and the day he brought him bicycle and whole sunday taught him how to run it,the joy of his little face was never forgotten from him,

old man was still looking out of the window where storm was decreasing slowly,he could hardly move by himself,putting his head against pillow was remembering those days when he was healthy and whole family was dependent on him,

he was was handsome middle aged when his son got married,and brought a nice good looking lady at home,that day he and his wife were feeling so proud of him as their son was leading a successful and well settled life,

unlike other couples become almost enemy to wards each other, john and kate were still in love with each other,even in their sixties they enjoy spending time together,and care for each little thing and every feeling of each other,

again his heart was deeply sad while he remembered the amazing moments along,sweet whispers ,heart floating words,warmth of those feeling was still producing a heat of life in his old ruins,oh time the cruel,how can you do this ,how can you snatch her from me,he wished gosh if she would be here with me no sorrow could touch me ever,and why would i need anything else then,


to be continued....

Monday, July 11, 2011

child abuse


hey friends,

hope all is going sweet and smooth in your lovely worlds,

let me tell you the one more reason that why i am the biggest bore on earth,and this is that i am too sensitive according to people but TO ME i am a very normal person and i wish that every person should think this way,


when i was five or six years old and we had not move yet in my village,we were living in city Hyderabad,in our neighborhood not much near but same street, a lady used to live along her five kids four girls and one youngest boy,her husband left her and she was the only bread runner of the house,

i did not know that where was her job,but one thing which feared me most always that before leaving home, she used to lock her all kids in one room where she was living on rent it was on the ground floor and has one window which had iron grill in it,when i returned from school i stand there and tried to look inside,

most of the time they just lay down on the floor and busy in playing lazily,i can never forget those faces who had lost their innocence and freedom,and disappointment made them lifeless and yellowish,i realized that being alone and cutoff from the world made them invent such unpleasant and dirty games,which that time i could only feel NOT RIGHT,

when their mother returned from the job,mostly i heard crying and shouts from their house because she used to beat them regularly,and after this treatment when they came out,one can see their joy from the distance,it was like someone unlocked the cage and set off the birds,i think i was the one who used to wait for these moment more then them,

inspite of all strictness of their mom, kids were fearless and much more mature then their age,eldest girl was hardly eight i think, but dangerously bold, she was too friendly with the boys elder then her and dirty people could easily take advantage of her,and so the all her sisters and brother,

when my younger brother passed away and mom fell seriously ill,doctor advised my father to change her destination,then we moved into our village,but those memories stick to my mind forever,

when i readmitted in school i was almost eight years old,and for reaching school we had to walk over the hills which was completely new path for us but i was extremely happy i remember like it was my soul desire,in the beginning mom gave company,then i had to take my little sister along who was too young for school,

since beginning i was so much in hate for boys,when i saw that i cannot play and run as freely as boys it was the first and last jealousy which placed in my heart and still exist, they are the one whose presence squeeze my world,and as a girl we have to have some fears in heart as fear makes us to take precautions,

during my teens,for my prose and rude behavior my male cousins disliked me always,and even my close girl friends in school avoid talking about boys,

later i realized that because of my attitude i was becoming alone,everyone found me so BORING and dont find any fun talking to me,i really tried to change my attitude but invein,even my own sister got tired of my possessiveness,

after marriage i found hard to manage healthy relationships among my in laws because of my kids,we both were really nice to each other but when it comes to leave my kids with my kids with their kids i could not allow and took the blamed for it that i dont consider them my family,or i think my kids superior them their's,

i beard it but could not allow my kids playing out alone until my eldest one reached 18, he gives company to his both brothers to the ground, or me and my husband take them to the park sometime,

while family ceremonies,i tell my son to watch out brothers while they play with cousins,i dont know why people find it unnatural,but at least i am satisfied that my kids are not learning bad words and acts out their,but one place i am still concern about and this is SCHOOL,

to remove this fear i try to ask every detail from my younger one,that how was his day and blah blah blah...








Wednesday, July 6, 2011

relationship and modren world



i received a call from my friend today,who told me about our another friend that she got divorce from her husband and moved to a women hostel,she was married for almost two years and couple was doing not wonderful but fine,


husband had nice job, and lady had no in laws around,so everything was according to her will,but after all where two person live together,even if there is no big problem between,still they have little arguments sometime naturally,

but one thing they missed i think was little patience ,i see it everywhere now a days that there are so many problems and complications which can be avoid in our daily life by handling our ego and controlling timely anger,

one thing i realized that options,choices and facilities lead us towards the comfortable life,but still they bring complications in our living too,they make us free,but believe me that most of miss use this freedom consciously or unconsciously,

often such freedom tease us to over react on certain situations when thing can be settled down easily,but having so many options and freedom make us step ahead instead of being stable, sorting out the facts and facing the truth,we just chose the easy way and jump out of the situation without thinking that, it is not necessary that the other situation or person will be enough easy or perfect and will not make the life even miserable,


basically i belong to a village,and saw a life where people are not as advance and take the relationship as serious as a base of life,there they used to live like a huge family,like three brothers along their wives and kids in one big house,

fighting and anger happens in such places too, but there are two main elements which sweep such negative feelings away,one that they do believe in one thing that whatever happens they belong to each other and cannot stop loving and caring for each other,this belief bound them even more,and does not allow growing the other element among them called EGO,

ego comes between when we start thinking that he or she does not love me,and this thought makes us first sad and then quite,once dialogue is disappeared building of a relationship start getting weak and weaker..,OR second reaction occurs often and that is arguing on each and everything with each other,

in such situations friends and relatives can help with nice piece of advice,but it is getting almost disappeared now a days, and there again one fear we face that how can we trust or recognize the true friend and good advice,
as we are not living in the earlier simple world where environment was not as comfortable and luxurious but humanity and trust was enough for peaceful living,

we are living in the fast moving modern world where heights of the buildings decreased the length of one's emotions robe,and glitter of surroundings dimmed our inner light.