Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I Should Have Not Reacted This way!

    Hey   Precious   Fellows!


Hope   and   pray   that    all   of    you   are   doing    great    in    your     beautiful   worlds   and   trying    your    best     to    be    polite    and    gentle    even     to    those   who   may    do    not    consider   you    a    friend   and    even    you   differ    with    them    on    many    issues  ,   as   life    teach    us    sooner   or   later   that    each   of    us   has   unique    personality   and   has   different   look   for   the   life   and   it's   ways.


We     should    not    put    CONDITIONS   into    our    relationships    and    avoid   being    judgmental      in    our    opinions .  We     should    respect    other's    way   of    thinking    and    give   importance   as    we   do   to   our's     because   it   is   their   right   as       individuals.

We    all    though    are    in   same   world   but   grow   into   different    environments    which    shape   us   variously    for    better   survival .  

Love    and    friendships    are   priceless    and    must     be   protected    from   being    torn   by   misunderstandings    or   immediate     emotional   response   to   anyone's   mistake   specially .

As   i   mentioned   many   times   that   i   grew   up   in   a   valley   like   village  surrounded   by   lashing   hills ,  green   fields ,flowing   stream   and   thick     fruitful   gardens.   Our   village    was   then   consist   of   35   houses   only    ,most   of   them   were   of   clay   though   inhabitants   were    established     economically    by    crops    and   cattle   but   lifestyle   was   so    simple .

Men    used   to    work    in   fields  ,few   were   abroad  to    earn,  while    women   would    help    men   in   farming   and    look after   the   cattle  . My   great   grandfather    was   one   of   the   founder   of   this   village   i   mean   he   was   one   of   them   who   choose   this   valley   to   make   their   village.

During   the   long   summer   days   women   would   go   to   the   stream   and   take   bath   with   clothes   and   wash   their   children   and   do   laundry . This  was   time   when   i   was   in   primary   classes   and   allowed    to   do    swimming  ,swinging  and   playing   with   my   cousins   and   girlfriends   freely .

Women    of    village   after   lunch    often   bring   their    charpai [pic below] 



 to   the   big   garden  and   together   they   would     do   knitting ,sewing  ,crocheting  and   many   other   artistic   activities   along   with   lots   and    lots   of    gossip   about   other   who   were   absents   that   day,affairs   of   the   young   couple  ,fighting  of   married   couples   and   blah blah  blah .

The    hottest    topic   were   often   the   affairs   of   new   young   couples    in    which   everyone    take   part    excitingly   though   but   forgot   that   same    thing   said   about   their   sister   or   daughter   too   when   they    were   not   around .

I    don't   know   but   since   i   was   kid   i   did   not      like   such   gossip   about   the   characters    of   other   maidens    because   i   always   thought    that   [in  my   opinion then]  character   was   most   important    thing   for    a   lady   and    she   should    protect    her   self respect   and   avoid  strictly    being   close   to   opposite    gender .

There   were    really    few   mothers   in   village   who    took   care   of    their    daughters   according   to   their   traditions    and    taught     their    girls    to    posses    such    quality    of   strong    character         who   can   earn   them   a   trust    of   an   honorable   man   and   family   who    find    them   perfect    for   their   environment   and   for   the   better    upbringing   of   their   coming   generations   through   them.


My    mom   was   one   of   them   .When   i   entered  in    my   teens    she   gradually    start    reducing   my   outdoor   activities   and   provided   me    books,  radio  and   black   and   white   t.v  to   learn   and   to   have    fun   either .

She   often   made   me   sit   close    and    would   tell   her   stories   of   life   with   morals   and   positive   leanings.  She   advised  me   to   be   strong    and   confident   because   being   too   shy   is    also   harmful   for   girls. She    told   me   that    never   rely   on   shine   of   outer   packing   always    strike   for   what   is   inside   .Mom   belonged   to   a   male   dominated   society   and   her   opinion   for   men   was   not    good.

She    asked   me    to    choose    good   and   modest   friends    at    even    school    [who   stay  away  from  boys  until   their  marriages] because    company   effects   alot . She   said   you   will   grow   soon   and   many   will   try   to   attract   with   cheap   tricks   ,or  show   off   their  money  or    exhibiting   their   dashing   personality  but   remember    that   it   is   not   what   one   need   to   live    a   Happy  ,Peaceful   life  .You   can    live   such   life   with   a   man   who   owns   a    Good   character   ,if   you   will   stay   safe    God    will   make   him   find   you  and   you   will   lead   an   ideal   life. 

 Though   i   felt   bored   and   rebelled   earlier   but   soon    i   was   attracted   by   the   indoor   activities   as   helping   mom   in   gardening  ,listening   radio    until   late   nights ,writing   latter   in   my   fav   radio     programs  in   which   i   used   to   send   my   poetry   or  pieces   of  prose. I   was   greatly   encouraged   by   the   program   compares   who   read   my   letter   as   a   special   section   of   their   program  and  named  it  "Talking  Letter".

Once   a   bunch    of   girls   from   a   village   near   came   to   our    house    and   i   was   overwhelmed   to   hear   that   they   came   to   just  see   the    person      who   writes   such   interesting     letters   as   they   also   were   fan   of  same   program.  Uncle  Ahsan   Whga [the  commentator  of  program  who  read  my  letters ]  was   a   great  personality   of   that   time  who   wrote   books  and   his   works   were   acknowledged  by  people   and   government  then.

I   named  my   first   son   Ahsun   because   i   wanted   him  as   intellectual   as  uncle  was.{i  am  grateful  that  he  is a  wonderful son  and  a  very  nice  human]

In   girls   high   school   i   have   good   warm   relationship   with   everyone ,specially   my   class   fellows,my   teachers   and    my   principals[i  saw  three  principals  in   8   years  of   school,last  one   was   extremely  kind  to  me and  she  helped  me to  get  job after  school].

But   we   were   group   of   five   girls   who   who's   friendship   was  unshaken  and  trustworthy  for  all   these   years  except    one   of   my   best   friend    Lubna   with   whom   i   broke   up   immediately   when   one   day   i   heard    that   she   was   having   an   affair   with   a   boy   in   her   neighborhood  . When   we   broke   up   it   was   hard   for   both   of  us  because   we   were   addicted   to   each  other's   company  and   shared   our   heart.  I   can    still    feel    the   pain   of   this   break   up  ,for   the   first   time   i   did   not   want   to   go   to   school  ,i  didn't  for  three   days .

Our   principal   expelled  her   and   fired   out   the   lady   servant   who   was   involve  in   the  arrangements   of   the   meeting  of   boy   and   girl  .She   took   admition  in   another   far   school   and   later   i   heard   she   got   employment   as  govt  teacher . Few   weeks   back   i   heard  from   shazi  one  of  my   school   friend   who  stays   mostly  in  ouch   Lubna's       fourth   marriage   is   also   broken  .  And   she   is   planning   fifth   with   man  already   married  and  elder  twice  more  than  her .Her   mother    was   divorced  and  raised   five   kids   all   by   her .

Lubna's   eldest     sister   is   happily   married   and  has   grown  up   kids   but   Lubna    is   suffering   with   her   mother's   bad   teachings   which   are   contently   breaking   her   relationships.
Here   divorce   is   not   acceptable   [though  times  are  changed now]  still   women   face   criticism  and   abusive  behavior  from  family   and   society .
But   there   is   something   which  is   wrong   with   Lubna's   mother ,  she   interfere  and   dominate  her  life  badly  .For   such   inappropriate  actions[i  should not say  though  but  all other  say]    Lubna and    her  mother  changed  their     cities twice  to  avoid  peoples  stern  reaction   .

I   met   her   once   when  she   was   divorced  for   third   time   and   tried   to   convince     her   that   like   her   sister  she   should   focus   on   her   goods  and   bads   by   her   own   because   without   compromise  no   relationship  work ,she   said   she  cannot  hurt   her   mother   as   whatever   she   do  is  only  for  her   good.

I   sympathizes    with   her   deeply  and   still   think   that   i   should   have   not   reacted   so   harshly ,than   i   was   captivated   by   my   limited  consciousness   who   could   not   absorb   her   attitude  which  was  different  than   mine   but   it   is  okay  to   be   different  ,Friendship  is  above   such   limits  and  conditions  that  is what  i  think  now . 

Please   take   good   care   friends!  Stay   calm   ,happy   and   focus  to   turn   all   into   good   around you!
God   Bless   you   All!





  


33 comments:

  1. Another great post.

    I made decisions regarding friendships and other aspects of life when I was younger that I now regret. If only we had the wisdom that we now possess when we were younger!

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  2. Wisdom comes with age I guess.

    The charpai is very curious to me. I would love to see someone use it.

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  3. We all have past behaviour that we regret now as older and wiser people, don't we? I know I do too! But live and learn, that's all we can do.

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  4. I confess, as I read many blogs, I often just skim through long posts...(don't tell anyone) I always read through yours. Your upbringing and the difference in our cultures is so interesting and your posts well written. Your world is far away, but I think if you lived around the corner, we would be good friends.

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  5. Your second paragraph says it all. the world would be a much better place if we all followed these ideas.

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  6. A friend once said these words to me, "No should'ves, could'ves, or would'ves." In other words, no condemnation ...only lessons learned. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes and continue to grow in God's grace. Only He gets it right every time.
    You're transparency is so beautiful, dear heart.
    Thank you for sharing with us.
    xo

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  7. Interesting post, it's hard not to judge, but we have to try. It's easier to look back and see what we did.

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  8. Thank you for this look into your world. The most memorable thing... You were there.
    Continued blessings unto you.

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  9. As we get older, we (hopefully) get wiser. And even kinder. I think everyone looks at their past and wishes they'd done some things differently.

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  10. Hindsight is easy; it's harder to think of all the right things to do in the pressure of the moment. I speak from experience :)

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  11. It sounds like a hard life but maybe not always her fault the men in these relationships are also to blame for what has happened.
    Merle............

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  12. Your ex friend is like her mother then - divorced but your friend more times.
    You can only try and advise your ex friend but really it's her business what she does but at the same time you can and could see her doing wrong because you were taught the values of life by your mother and took notice of her.
    Friends as in true friends always find away back to each other at some point in time.

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    1. thank you for reading my post with such curiosity and dropping such wise and kind words dear Margaret !

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  13. Interesting life story sharing. I could imagine the simple life in small village where everyone is close and get together often.

    As for your divorced friend, you can only do much as friend. Hope she gets along with her life well.

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  14. True friends are indeed treasures and we should treat them as such. I have been fortunate to have several whom I have know for many years. Sadly, there are also some who although I have tried to keep up a friendship contact have not responded in kind. It saddens me, but there is not much one can do as a one-sided friendship is really not one at all😕

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  15. No one is perfect, we all learn from our mistakes. Have a beautiful day!

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  16. Life is difficult in many ways in different cultures. In my country the life for girls has been and is now a bit different, but friends are important. And it`s important to be your self. I think you really want to do everything rihgt. And it feels good!

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  17. I love your blog. Thank you for visiting mine and I now put you on my bloglist and I will visit more often. Your gentle ways and feelings of love are so refreshing in this time of aversion and name-calling.
    I really like the charpai and wish I could make one. It would be a beautiful and functional item in my gardens. Maybe I can find a pattern to make one on You Tube. One can learn anything there.

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  18. It is hard to say how anyone who react or judge. Thank you for letting us into your world and talking us through your world.

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  19. I'm sorry for Lubna... and for her mother too. Very probably she wasn't able to learn some important things from her parents...
    You are right, it's okay to be different. Besides it would be terribly boring if our friends would be just like us. :)
    Hugs and blessings!

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  20. I don't see many charpois these days, but in my childhood in Singapore, there were many around.

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  21. This is such a thoughtful and heartfelt post. You have a good heart and your writing reflects that.

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  22. dear sweet heart, i feel as if it has been an eternity since i visited you...i hope you are doing well.
    thank you for sharing this post.
    i always enjoy visiting you here!!

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  23. It's always nice to read your posts, and you have once again provided us with a most thoughtful one, thank you.

    I think as we get older, and have had the opportunity to have faced many experiences, we do get wiser and this can help in situations.

    All the best Jan

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  24. Live and learn my friend! Things happen and things are said. No regrets! This all happens for a reason! There are lessons and blessings in everything! Big Hugs!

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  25. I appreciated so much this post and you sharing the goodness of growing up. Bless your dear mother for caring and wanting to teach you the finer aspects of life from good and bad ~ to God be the glory!
    I believe we can all look back at our lives with regrets, learn from them and strive to do better.
    I know as a believer,I desire to live according to the Word of God, but even with the Word as my guide I often times fail. Praise God for His grace and mercy.
    I so enjoy your blog and the beauty you share with us, straight from your heart.
    God bless you~~

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  26. It is a little sad that your (former) friend keeps repeating the same mistakes. She seems not to have learned from her experiences in life.

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  27. I read your other article on Pakistan and this one and am really enjoying reading you.

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  28. Your posts always give me so much to think about, Baili. You were fortunate that you had a strong and wise mother. Not all people are so lucky. As I get older, I am learning to forgive my younger self for things that I did not handle well. Most people try to do the best they can wherever they are in life. I take great comfort in the wise words of Maya Angelou: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” I feel badly for your friend Lubna because she had had a difficult life and keeps making the same mistakes. Maybe she will come to realize this and change things for the better. Hugs to you my friend!

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